yet another year

yet another year coming to its end..

besides trying to keep myself on track for the next change of my life, i often stop and think what have i done over the past year.

this year was quite a difficult year for me. although with a new job, new friends and new environment, i still look back and thought that i have actually missed out a lot. I know that there are certain things that i could have done better, there are also certain things that i have said or done which made me laughed. laughed because of my stupidity.

to many, i am a good guy.. to those who really know me, there's just one. who is my girl friend. she seems to know all the bad about me, which i successfully hide from everyone else in the world. i think this is really unfair to her, because she got nobody to share with. I sometimes feel bad for her, and sometimes, i said to myself, she dun deserve me. it's a blessing that i have been with her for so many years and still going strong, but i fear the day that the endurance stop/depleted. what will happen then? i don't know the answer, but i really wanted to tell her that i am sorry, and that i love her very much. god please give me the will power.

i seriously hope that bringin some distance between me and her will help to minimize the arguments. but i know this is a childish move. whatever that i've told her, i was seriously trying to change her, but all fell on deaf ears. how could i carry on?where will my motivation lies?

where will i be in the next ten years...? where will she be in the next ten years?

am i?

am i heading to the right way?

got what i wanted, but am not too happy about it.

am i making the right decision?

if yes, why am i in doubt?

am i doing the right thing?

why am i feeling guilty?

am i on my way for a greater path?

i'm scared that i will go backward instead of forward

am i selfish?

i'm too selfish to admit that i am..

am i foolish?

fooling myself to take this chance and telling myself everything will be ok

am i sad?

not sure, there's nobody to talk to, but tears are standing by